I feel like I’m starting to lose track of the days here already. Didn’t take long did it? Haha
We are sitting though about 6 hours of content a day every day. Sounds like a lot right? It definitely is.
They do try to break it up and make it a mix of things and that helps with what you would assume would be the monotony of it all.
Though lots of great and wonderful things occurred today, including a super awesome and humbling bonfire, I am feeling insecure. I shared with my roommate tonight that I am feeling a bit less than good enough. I want to do this work to show the love of God through life, not through words. I want to live my faith out loud. I want to know and love people. I want to hear their stories.
What if that’s not enough?
I feel like I don’t have the Bible knowledge that I would expect a missionary to have. I feel unequipped to counsel someone through scripture. I feel more than able to counsel through life experiences and my own perspective, but if they wanted that they could read my blog. I have been told that it is an expectation of my site to counsel specifically through the Bible. What if I can’t? What if I’m not good enough? What if I am unable to do those things?
I know that this experience is as much about me learning and growing in my faith as it is about me facilitating growth in others, but I’m not sure that I should start with so little Bible knowledge. Granted, I know the stories, I know generally what happens in the stories, and the gist of what I think I get from the Bible. I can, however, rarely pick out verses to use at any given point. I can rarely say as a point of authority that I found this in the Bible. I run on my general sense of things as I know them. Most of my advice and counsel runs on life experience as well as Bible knowledge.
Is that enough?
I have not the answer. Tonight, though, I am feeling like it’s not enough. I feel like I have my heart in the right place, but that I lack the basic fundamentals for proper job function.
I can only hope and pray that somehow I will be able to allow God to move through me. To help me learn His word, and to let that further influence how I conduct my life. I hope that I can provide a fertile space for God to grow and be nurtured within me by my tending and care–which means I actually have to tend it a bit.
I hope like in the song Dry Bones, God can make me something new because I think I’m in need of a makeover.