I am HOME!
I arrived in Texas on Thursday, and I am sooooo happy to be home!!! Though I do claim South Carolina as my home, I will always be a Texas girl at heart. I love everything about Texas… well except for that suffocating heat. I love the smells, markets, candy, bakeries, and my family, that’s good too.
It has been over a year and a half since I’ve been to the best state in this country, and I’ve got to say, I’ve missed it a ton.
I am currently at my uncle’s house with his family, and everyone is sooooo big!!! My baby cousins are now teenagers with boobs and periods, not to mention sassy mouths. Every time I come home I feel like a millenium has passed because everyone is so big and different. At the same time, the cups are still where I left them and things are still the same in so many ways.
It was soo important to me to have this time at home. I have no friends here, so it is all quality family time. In fact, this is the first internet time that I’ve had since arriving (which is a big deal considering I average 6 hours a day on the computer with work and home time). I love my familia soo much, and it breaks my heart to know that my cousins have grown up basically without me. The older ones I have a deeper connection to, since I was little when they were littler, but the youngest ones have a hard time remembering my name… I just haven’t been around for them like I have for the older ones.
I know you’re thinking, this is just cousins… In my family cousins are just as important as your sisters. Family is family, period. So it does pain me to know that I have these cousins that I don’t know very well. Cousins that I have very little connection to.
That is something that I fear about leaving for so long. I fear losing what little connection I currently have. My family is growing up…. They are in high school and going to college, and I am missing their important parts. What if I come back and they don’t know who I am anymore?
I wrote on my application for the young adult program that the hardest part of this was going to be the family bit. More than the cousins, my sisters and I are close in age, and they will be moving on with their lives. In these three years they may decide to get married or have babies. For these things I will be away. The thought of this brings me physical pain. Not to be at my sister’s wedding, not to be at the birth of a neice.
I realize this is part of the growing up, and I accept the sacrifice. I know that to do what I desire, I have to sacrifice certain things. Thank God for the blessing of technology and knowing that if I am needed I can be a skype away. The days that I am missing my family, or good old Texas, I can just skype an aunt or sister, and they will in that moment give me a piece of home. This thing I’ve chosen to do, isn’t going to be the easiest thing I’ve ever endeavored to do, but I can’t not do it. I can’t go a day without thinking about it (since February), and I unequivocally know that this is where I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to be doing.
I am so happy I have this time at home with my family. And I plan to spend this time beating up and loving on my cousins and siblings, visiting with my relatives, soaking up Texas, and eating every good bit of Texas food I can. I am sooo fortunate to be able to do it at all. When I get back it will be different, yes, but we will always remember the last time I visited as an intentional time that was gifted to us.