So over the past few days the bottom has fallen out. The job that I was going to take, the job that I stayed for, doesn’t exist, and lies have been told, but the bottom line is that the wind has been sucked out of my sails.
I am not one to believe in divine punishment, but I do believe in consequences. I think I got so focused on what a great opportunity it was for me, and it would mean paying off my bills and moving out of Wesley ect ect, but I sacrificed something I was really excited about. Last year I thought that I was getting a rather subtle push towards missionary work or service to people as I would come call it. Service in any way be it fixing your roof (though I’m terrified of heights) or tutoring your kids while you work. I got sucked back in to a place that I was comfortable in, a place that I loved, and because they dangled a really awesome carrot in front of me and made it easy to do so. I kind of feel like the bottom is falling out because I wasn’t meant to stay. Tonight at Wesley, Narcie preached on contentment. Contentment on where we are in life, on what we have, and who we are. While contentment is good, I also think this faith is about seeking more. It is about never being content with your relationship with God, and always seeking the road you are meant to travel. I think that if we get too content, too comfortable, we may not ever step out and do the right thing… We may never step out and give that person a hand, or talk to that person that may make you a bit uncomfortable. I was/have been very content at HarborChase. I have. I was all ready to leave, and I settled for what was easy and safe. Little did I know it wasn’t so safe… Contentment is good. It is, and I agree with everything that Narcie said tonight, as I often do, but this isn’t about me wanting a bigger better car, this is more about me leaning on the easy vs doing the hard work that I think God wanted me to do. I think I need to reconsider everything. I will be leaving HarborChase. I do not know when or for where, but I will be. I can’t be swallowed by the contentment at that job (not to mention all of the personal moral attacks of late) and ignore what I think I should be doing. I am not sure I will ever find happiness or the “right fit” until I do.
So here’s hoping.