Today, I did a good thing. I spent the entire day with someone that I would help if she were dying, but would rather not spend more than 15 minutes at a time with her. Not only did I spend the whole day with her, but I had a good time. This is what I call growth people. 🙂 I do want to learn to love those I can’t stand, I’m trying.
I am addicted to the song The God of Sunday Morning by Tom Conlon. So many good thoughts in it. Tonight I have been almost meditating on it…. I tried to find a video for you (whoever you are) but alas I failed, you can however go here and find it in the playlist for your listening pleasure. Either way the chorus goes a bit like this…
And the God of Sunday morning, will be gone by Sunday moonlight
And then fall silent for a week and now and then we’ll let him speak on Wednesday night.
I really love songs that slap me around a bit, and that’s not to say that I don’t love the Jesus loves you everything will be ok songs too, but the slapping ones are just so much more powerful sometimes. This song has me thinking about how things change day to day and moment to moment in how I perceive my faith, the people around me, and my overall outlook. You may notice in my last post that I said that I want to see, feel, and talk with God and him respond, in this song there’s a line that says “to the prideful You are silent.” Perhaps that is the part of the root of my roadblocks with God. Maybe I am too prideful. How do you kill that? Even at the beginning of this post, I was bragging about hanging out with a girl I don’t care for. I could go back and erase it now, and you would never know, but that’s not honest. With only two dedicated readers, that I know of, I shouldn’t lie on here because it is still lying to myself and to you. I am prideful, and I don’t know how to kill that.
In Donald Miller’s book, Blue Like Jazz (if you’ve never read it, go now, thank me later) there is a section that talks about his church, and how it became this big hugenormous church housed in a mall (I couldn’t make this stuff up). This sounds like the dream, right? This world is based on numbers and attendance, and he found himself hiding in a closet with his keys wondering how he could escape. Later, in counseling, he discovered his problem was sin (I believe the passage was something along the lines of, I was waiting on some big insightful answer and she said your problem is sin) by way of the “Super Pastor” he’d created. He was trying to know everyone, visit everyone, be everything to everyone, and it ended up almost ruining him (which I could totally write a book about…). After explaining all this in the book he says, Go kill your super something. Go ahead. The book’ll be here when you get back. That sounds so easy, just go do away with the thing that is holding you back, but it is never quite that easy. The question is why isn’t it that easy? Well the answer is much simpler because we don’t want it to be. We have all the excuses lined up, and yes it does take work to break habits, but once you commit to putting it down, then it’s a lot easier. I am going to try to be excuseless, I am going to murder the pride, or attempt to at least.
Here I go, I hope I don’t get any blood on the carpet (the only rule in my extended families house 😉 ).